Wins & Losses

Since the beginning of time, people have competed. Whether it was Cinderella watching her cockblocking stepmother fall into poverty and shame, or watching your favorite high school couple start to date hotter people (or less-hot people) when they split for college. Whatever the case may be, there is this notion that when two people say goodbye, revenge must follow. 

It’s hard not to resent the one you loved so much when they no longer seem to love you. But with resentment comes the onslaught of the many ways in which we prove to ourselves, and them (and everyone on instagram), that we are winning. That no matter what, we cannot lose this terrible heartbreak. 

But what if there was no winning or losing? Is that even possible? Is there such a thing as simply just “moving on”? 

I didn’t create this blog for nothing…

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There's a very clear factor when it comes to wins & losses; the situation. We cannot gauge the integrity of revenge and “getting our lick back” until we acknowledge the factors in the relationship. Or, even more so why things ended. 

Through a recent poll I did on instagram, I asked readers if it was possible to move on without the clear act of revenge. Forty percent of those said yes, while only fifteen percent said that it was hard not to. However, through the very clear answer of ‘yes’ being the popular answer, forty-five percent of people said that it depended on the situation. It almost seemed like the very idea of resorting to revenge seemed like the weaker answer, making the situation answer seem more logical and giving room for both. 

And sure, it’s nice to know that we can agree on the fact that if it was a mutual breakup you get a slap on the wrist, but if he cheated that means his whole bloodline should be cursed. We as young lovers have made the line very clear. But we have also made it clear that we need facts, and we need a reason to be angry. 

One reader, and dear friend of mine, Zula, said "Don't force anger!! Let shit go on, move on, and then you STAY up.” Easier said then done, but seeing her use this advice in real time had changed my idea on if winning was even possible. 

Because what if the idea of winning didn’t even exist. All that anger kind of goes out the window. 

When asking others how they had sought revenge in the past, the answer seemed to match up with this logic. 

Some responses did remain raunchy, like “upgrade with his hotter brother”, or “get a tramp stamp”, even “f*cked his twin brother.” But the others all pointed to the same goal: moving on with your own individual life. 

Reader Jackie says: “Celebrate your successes and everything you accomplished and went through without them!” 

Another reader, Ruby, said: Losing the relationship weight and getting fit af at the gym. No contact.” 

When it comes to having something to prove, having something over that person you loved so much, we all seem to agree that improving your life without them is the ultimate revenge. That while covering his car in glitter, or prank calling his siblings, seems like a good ego boost, it's really finding the love you used to have from them within yourself that satisfies our egos the most. 

And all of a sudden, revenge becomes a whole lot deeper than a cheap trick of life. It becomes all about your inner character, and how you're growing on your own. 

It’s a little upsetting to hear though. Because sitting in your misery in your room, letting the third season of SATC play in the back as you hover over his snapchat profile, having that fire build up is such a passionate feeling. The anger cowering over like a flame, slowly igniting as you replay all the moments he broke your heart. The quick little plots against him seem so rewarding, so addictive. 

Because who doesn’t want that trophy that says “Fuck you. I got you back. Now you know how it feels.” 

But when we look at the story of love mapped out, and we follow the lines after heartbreak, we see that nobody wins or loses. Nobody is granted wishes for doing better. Nobody gets a medal for moving on. They just do. It’s almost like a second heartbreak when you realize that life won't always be about the boy that broke your heart. 

I’m not saying that getting your friends to push him across the room is off the table (cause it's not!), or that exposing him in a tiktok storytime is the worst decision. But noticing that the real championing comes from all the other things life has to offer is a huge step in winning any type of game. 

Because in the game of life, boys are simply the wild cards buried underneath the points, and turnarounds, and the very goal of getting to the end with a heavy, but full, heart. 

So slap on SZA, get monopoly out of the closet, and post a selfie on your story. They’ll be sleeping with the spiders tonight.

xoxo